I am launching a bi-weekly Monday #Motherhood series. A time for us to share our stories, challenges and desires as we experience the journey of motherhood. For the launch of this series, I have the real pleasure to welcome to My Mama Journey a long time childhood friend of mine, Caffeinated Canuck.
Welcome Sarah, and thanks for sharing your story.
I am 30.
To some that doesn’t mean a lot. 30 seems young or old to other people depending on which side of the age they’re on.
To me, it’s the birthday milestone I’ve had the most trouble coming to grips with thus far. It is the age I can remember my parents at when I first thought they were “grown ups” and old (sorry Mom!). So when I turned 30 I had a bit of a hard time wrapping my head around some things. Thoughts of mortality and my youth slipping away made me a bit morose, to be honest.
It was all very dramatic and broody.
What is the meaning of life? Why are we here?
Just to grow up and then move on to the next unseen plane?
(Yes, I’ve always tended toward a bit of dramatics, thanks for asking.)
I came to the conclusion, that no matter what our age, we are all children. Still learning and growing and discovering. Not just things in life but also in the constant re-invention of ourselves.
The first decade of our lives was spent primarily learning. How to talk, walk, and become more independent. We started school and learned to read. We learned about sharing and hopscotch and all the little games kids play. We were in every essence, children.
The next was spent perfecting our preteen eye roll and again, learning. We had a bit more freedom and dabbled in self-expression and decided on what we wanted to be when we “grew up”. We strived so hard to be grown that it only proved our naiveté. When you’re actually an adult you realize there is no way to be independent if someone is still providing you with everything you need. No matter how angst-y you are or how many times you protest “I’m not a CHILD, Mother!” (in a certain tone that proves that you are in fact very much still a child) it doesn’t count for experience.
The 20-30 age is, yet again, a learning experience. We’re finally on our own. Maybe in school or working or both. It’s a lot of self-discovery. Again…we think we’re grown.
But 30? 30 is when you start to think something is wrong with you because you can finally admit that you still don’t feel like an adult. You wonder if your friends and peers have it all together because you certainly don’t. You might ask yourself if you’re “childish” as if that’s a bad thing.
I don’t think it is. Every stage of our lives thus far has had one common theme.
Learning about ourselves.
Learning and childishness go hand in hand. We’re curious, wondrous, and easily delighted in a childish state. I think that part of our childhood stays with us and allows us to put aside the day to day drudgery and still be interested in and learn new things. To find joy in the unexpected and the planned.
I choose to believe that every age teaches us something about ourselves and is a chance to reinvent the parts that we find lacking. I’m hoping my 30’s will be the reinvention of body for me. I’ve got the “who I am” thing down pat for now so I’m hoping that I can get the vessel in shape enough to carry me through the rest of my learning years.
Right now I get to experience true childhood again through my children. I have an excuse to Trick-or-Treating. A reason to make crafts. Someone to show those childish games to. I can dance wildly in the kitchen without looks of reproach. I can do anything because they are young and I am invincible to them.
I’m hoping for more personal time in my 40’s where I can start learning what I want to be when the kids are grown.
More freedom in my 50’s to travel and learn and immerse myself in other places and cultures.
You see the trend here.
Always learning, always evolving, always with a goal.
And that…is life.
Sarah is the homeschooling, free spirited Mom to 2 girls E & P. This proud Canadian & lover of coffee, whiskey and tie dye can be found writing caffeine fueled musings at her blog, fullycaffeinatedcanadianmom.wordpress.com or posting memes and other nonsense on Facebook at facebook.com/caffeinatedcanuk